Mental Health Awareness

It’s crazy and beautiful to think how fast you can connect with people. This has happened to me at times where I’m in an unfamiliar environment, I’m uncomfortable or nervous, or I don’t know anyone, like freshman year. Being a musical theatre major, you kind of have a built-in friend group, but I still was really timid and mostly kept to myself. But somehow through musical theatre classes and sorority recruitment, me and Jessica Eaton, a sassy, foul-mouthed, gorgeous girl from Boston, were drawn together.

I don’t exactly remember the moment we became close, but all of a sudden we were like best friends. We would walk together to every sorority event, we sat next to each other in classes, ate together as often as we could, and we even set a friendaversary so we would have a special day out of each month just for the two of us. The funny thing is, Jessica and I were so different. Freshman year me was especially reserved, hesitant, quiet, and I didn’t feel like I had really found my personal style or who I truly was. Jessica knew exactly who she was and she was more than comfortable with it. She was often seen around campus strutting in only her leotard and tights from ballet class, or rocking a leather jacket and a low cut top. And she was loud. I distinctly remember walking out of the front door of Maglott and hearing Jessica’s voice yelling my name all the way (with a few other affectionately explicit choice words) from the back door of Founders. Somehow when we were together, we found this common ground which ended up being exactly the friendship we both needed at the time.

This friendship had only started for a month but we began sharing our emotional struggles with each other. First semester freshman year is exciting but also very hard. It's a huge transition and comes with growing pains to say the least. Jessica, though tough as nails on the outside, was going through some huge emotional and mental health struggles. I happened to be with her for a lot of moments where she was emotionally breaking down or trying to figure out how to handle things. I think we both really quickly felt a deep love and respect for each other. She was there for me as often as she could be, encouraged me and pulled me out of my shell, and always made me laugh. I was there for her in the best way I knew how, but it reached a point where she needed help besides me for her mental health. Though she did seek professional help, she continued to struggle. Tragically, Jessica ended up committing suicide that same fall.

I remember the day both vividly and as if it wasn’t real. I felt like the world was imploding. I can’t even imagine how she felt. I won’t go into any more detail besides saying there is still and will always be a massive ache in my heart for Jess. I wanted to tell this story not to focus on the sad part, because though it was an earth-shaking moment in my life, it was not the most important moment of Jessica’s life. I want to emphasize the amount of joy she brought me and many others in just a few short months of knowing her, and how important we became to each other so quickly. Thinking about the short amount of time I had the honor of knowing Jessica and how much I came to love her in that time, there were other people affected by this tragedy who had loved her all her life. The amount of hurt I felt, I can’t even begin to fathom what others felt.  These realizations are why mental health care and awareness is so important to me now, and why I think everyone should make it a priority in their lives.

When Jess was struggling with her mental health, I didn’t quite know how to help her besides trying to be a good listener and a calming presence. I don’t think she quite knew how to help herself either. Meaning, we both were unfamiliar with the concept of mental health and any kind of professional treatment that would have helped. Over the past two years I have made the effort to educate myself about mental health and be more aware of what others might be going through around me, I’ve helped out with the Out of the Darkness Suicide Awareness Walk here on campus, organized a night of uplifting music in efforts to promote positive mental health and raise money for the same organization as Out of the Darkness. I have also tried to make my personal mental health more of a priority in my life, and I’ve realized that I struggle with anxiety. But still, after all I’ve learned, I haven’t seen a doctor to be properly diagnosed and I only visited a counselor for the first time this year. I wanted that relief for Jessica, but somehow I’ve still found it so hard to want it for myself. I believe this is due partly to stigma around mental health, being objectively less familiar and less informed of options to take care of one’s mental health, as well as the lack of options and limited access to treatment compared to other health issues.

Mental health is a global issue and I truly think from my personal experience and my experience with Jessica that it is hard to understand and feel like you have permission to seek help, especially when you are in the thick of a mental health struggle yourself. You think you should just be able to handle it yourself, come up with your own methods of coping, you think you might be “crazy” and scared of what people might think or you think it will just go away on its own. The truth is, even if you could handle it on your own, you shouldn’t. This is something I’ve only just admitted to myself recently. You are worthy of help. Be kind to yourself. Just like you might have no idea how much joy your life brings someone else, you have no idea how much joy you could find in yourself getting help to lift the weight off your shoulders.  

If anyone has a story of struggle with mental health or if you know someone who has and you feel comfortable sharing, I would love to hear about it in the comments.